Satan was my buddy

Good Morning Love,

Gen.3:3 NIV: Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say,..."

Mmmhmm, it sound just like him. Always coming with his lies and putting doubts in our minds about God's love. If you did not already know, it is true- Satan use to be my buddy.

(I will get pretty personal in this blog. It is not always easy putting my business out there but, if it will give God glory and help someone understand God's love, then so be it.)

I use to be a liar. I was a cheater. I had an abortion. I had unmarried sex with multiple partners, my mouth was disgusting;I cussed without thought. I use to get high, I loved attention, being sexy, and was very seductive. I loved alcohol, wild parties, and was very manipulative. I had flashy cars, lots of money, and I was a show off with my plentiful material possessions. I had no problem taking another woman's man because it was done to me. I had no problem pulling out a weapon and using it, if you said the wrong thing to me. I always had a high paying job;supporting my habits. I did evil things and said wicked things. I was argumentative and a fighter. I used my pretty face to make men do what I wanted them to do:pay my rent, take me out, buys me things, pay my car note...whatever. Men were stupid dogs to me; my dad did my mother wrong and the man who I gave my heart to, did the same to me. Drama destroyed my friendships and pride destroyed my family relationships. All of this eventually ended with me living in a state of brokenness. My life was so miserable, I was suicidal. The Devil gave me all the desires I wanted from the world. He used me to bring others to him. He was playing me like a sucker but, I always followed his lead. My mind was gone from the games, lies, and drugs. I had no respect for myself or anybody else. I walked around as if I ruled the world, yet I was dead on the inside. After all that I had-all that I had accomplished (where I come from, just because I owned a car, had my own place and a good job-that was the ultimate come-up) I was lost. Satan, took good care of me. He gave me all the things I thought would make me happy. He got me right where he wanted me to be; totally depending on him. He planned it that way. In my most vulnerable state he went in for the kill! My life had become so depressing. Day after day I would smoke weed, pop pills and drink hard liquor (Hennessey). I had become very malnourished and I'm not just referring to my body but, my mind as well. My life was a blur; a constant hang out. I became physiologically disturbed. My days consisted of going to the studio then the club. I was on the verge of becoming a star and I was willing to do anything to get to the top. I had even stop singing and started rapping. It went along with my bad girl life style. (I have a tattoo that says,'bad girl' in Chinese letters. It could mean pork fried rice for all I know! Just dumb. Amen) I was soooo hard, sooo tough. (I was a actress starring in my buddy Satan's show!) In all of this there was one thing that stayed the same; my empty home. The man I loved had left me for a dancer (I'm being nice. amen), I had packed my daughter's stuff and told her father to take care of her since it was him who wanted a child. (I got pregnant when I was 18, just a baby)- so she too, was gone. It was on those lonely nights...the devil had me right where he wanted me.  Satan would tell me that I was nothing. He reminded me that I came from nothing. He said I was like my mother; a druggie. He said I was fatherless. I was another statistic, a young dumb baby mama. I was a slut; not fit to be a wife. I was the scum of the earth and (at the time) so was my daughter-who would also end up just like her useless mother (me). He had filled me up with so many lies. More liquor, more pills please. John 8:44: You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires...he is a liar and the father of lies.

I had gotten very sick. It started with an urinary track infection then kidney infection then kidney issues and eventually problems with my liver. I remember being in the hospital for maybe 2 1/2 weeks. I was like 22 or 23 at the time. I was running a high fever for 1 week straight. I was in and out of being coherent but on one particular day, the Lord allowed me to hear a couple of nurses talking. "I can't believe she is still alive" is what I heard. I remember being transferred from a hospital room to a tiny space with a sliding curtain.The NO HOPE space. Granted, I'm sure more was going on, but this is what I can remember. That first night of being in the No Hope space, I remember a nurse. I remember she was a short, older, white lady, with a traditional nurse uniform on; the one with the little white banana split hat. She had come into my room late in the night, pulling the sliding curtain back with such force. I remember feeling tense; scared. I couldn't move or look up. She came close to me and said, "That's it. You will not die.You will live." I remember thinking, "who is this?" She put her hands over my head, they were so cold. She stayed with me, in the tiny space, for the whole night praying. She was so loving & gentle. She had wiped my head and fed me water with a straw. I think she was praying in tongues, because I could not understand what she was saying. Right before she left she whispered in my ear, "You're going to be just fine." The next day come- I'm up! I am alert, I have vision, my body feel good, no pains, I'm like new. I jump out of the bed, removed the IVs out of my arm, and I'm feeling healed! I go to the nurse station because I want to thank the nurse who had come into my room in the middle of the night. They tell me that there was no nurse in my room. I argued with them, trying to describe her uniform, her age, etc. They insist that there was no one in my room. Apparently there was not even a white nurse on the night shift! The doctor eventually checks me out and I am 100%. My kidneys were good, and so were my liver cells. No prescriptions needed-nothing. It was a miracle-the doctor even said so. I know I wasn't crazy. I know what I had seen and what I had heard. God had come to my aid or sent an angel. Either way, it was the night that changed my life.

Not too long after that, I had joined a church and I got SAVED! God had given me another shot at life and this time, I wanted to get it right.

All this to say: GOD IS REAL! HIS LOVE IS REAL! HE CAN AND WILL CHANGE YOU, YOUR LIFE, YOUR SITUATION, YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES, IF YOU LET HIM. Stop entertaining the Devil, who cares nothing about you. Stop wrestling with the Devil who is trying to wear you down to destroy you. Don't let the enemy lie to you anymore. You do not have to fall for his traps. God is offering YOU a second chance with benefits! I was the worse of the worse but now- look at how God is using me. He IS WONDERFUL. My life is not perfect and there were a series of events that took place even after my encounter with God, however I was no longer on the wrong team. His love helped me to love myself. He cleansed my body, my mind, and my heart- I still feel like I owe HIM something! He wants to do the same for you. Where you are in life does not surprise him. He is reaching out to you right now, while you are fleeing, God sees you. El Roi (The God who sees) is offering you encouragement and instruction- right now! There is nothing too big or too small, nothing that you have done will cause him to turn the other way. Remember he came for the sinners..."It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17)

He did it for me and he can do it for you!

For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go.They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone. You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.” “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. For the Lord has called you back from your grief—I will teach all your children, and they will enjoy great peace. In righteousness you shall be established;You will live in peace, and terror will not come near. No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said,“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”his way is perfect:The Lord’s word is flawless;he shows unfailing love to his anointed. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced. Remember your leaders who taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and follow the example of their faith.
A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. A thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But I came to give life—life that is full and good.
(A mixture I made from the books of:Ps.91, Isa. 54, Heb.13, Ps.18, Roms.10, Mat.11,Ez.36, John 10)


Baya...that Godly Diva